the creeps (fragment)

Bored shitless, they formed something of a micromob in the corridor among the office gear, the pot plants, the waiting facilities - chairs, business cards, some literature, other items. The Creeps. It was a way to combat the tedium that although not comprehensive did offer some relief. They met at the photocopier at set times and passed printed documents amongst themselves, the text aggressive and nihilistic or often sexual in nature and regarding other members of the working office, often repeating aphoristic phrasing in complete coverage across the full A4 side with hints of psychopathy flitting around the edges of their production methods. They sniggered at each other’s observations and felt immeasurably superior to their colleagues, whose dreary lives and ideologies they lampooned so effectively in their strictly Calibri invectives.

Alone they were nothing but as The Creeps they found voice and the confidence to honk it. They strode four abreast about the employment complex and bugger the consequences. They commandeered the water cooler for their own thirsty ends. They “played mad”, and watched the world shit with fear around them at their convincingly delusional performances. They wrote graphic elegies for the quietest females of primarily temporary employ whose flesh was firm and very young and – they believed – ready and left them visible on desktops or in pigeonholes, a trail of blushing destruction and initiated harassment protocols left in their wake. The littered the hallways with incendiary literature and hand drawn anatomically precise sketches of genitalia and denied their involvement unconvincingly when pressed by superiors who they deemed quite the opposite. They printed reams and reams of mob stationery adorned in the header with The Creeps logo and charged it to the office account through a web of laughable subterfuge and poorly falsified signatures. They carried membership cards in their wallets like large employed children, trimmed paper affixed with glue to slightly thicker cardboard of standardised sizing. They strove with devastating failure rates to use their mass influence as a tool of seduction but were instead just five cowards licking their lips at every passing skirt, easy to ignore and even easier to despise, their conversational or social ability infinitely less eloquent than their printed literatures.